Define yourself as a mother.


It was not long ago when a mother was defined as a woman who stayed at home and took care of the health and wellbeing of the children.  She looked after the daily running of the household, the cleaning, cooking and generally kept things in order.

In the 1960s the Women’s Liberation Movement revolutionised what it was to be a women and opened up endless opportunities.  In the years that followed women stretched and moved within this newfound freedom and underwent amazing personal change and growth.  One of the greatest areas of change has been in defining the role of a mother.

More often than not a mother is still in charge of the above-mentioned duties, however she now undertakes a variety of other tasks which can include working part time or full time, with an increasing trend towards running a home business to fit in with the children’s busy schedule.  A mother is often on various committees and is involved in social groups and after school activities as well as being involved with the in-school activities so that she can ‘stay in touch’.  Quite broadly, a mother is all things to everyone; the list of duties are almost endless and a mother holds herself accountable to each and every one of them. 

After undergoing such a rapid transformation it is little wonder that women are increasingly at a loss to measure their success as a mother.  It is like undertaking a new job without a clear position description.  How can you ever be sure that you are doing what is expected of you if you don’t know what those expectations are? 

The greatest wish of every mother is to be a good mum and experience success in this area of their life.  Increasingly my clients are coming to me and saying, “I am a terrible mother; I yell, I’m unorganised, the house is never clean, I’m always late, the car needs a service, I can’t seem to get dinner ready on time and I missed my son’s soccer game because of a last minute problem at work!” 

I tell my clients, and now I’m telling you, to take a moment out of your hectic schedule to define “your” role as a mother.  Write your own position description so that you can achieve this goal of being an amazing, successful mother in your eyes.  The response is always the same: “But how do I do this, where do I start?  The problem is that I don’t know what the description is, so how can I write it?”. 

It helps to take the focus off yourself.  Let’s say that this position description is not for you, it’s for your daughter, for your granddaughter, for every new mother to come.  Imagine that your daughter has just come home from hospital with her first child and she looks at you with tears in her eyes and asks “Mum, how will I know if I’m doing it right; how will I know if I’m a good Mum?”.

Now write from the heart with your daughter in mind.  Write her a letter starting with “You will know you’re a good mum…”.  Then read over ‘your' new definition of a mother.  Take some of your own advice and ask yourself some questions such as what changes do I need to make so that I am doing more of the things that are important for me as a mother?  What things can I stop putting so much pressure on myself for?  Where is my time needed the most and what can I stop doing?

It is my great hope that this process will help you realise that you’re already well on your way to achieving your dream of being an amazing mother!  To make the most of your newly developed definition be sure to make some solid SMART goals and tell someone what you are going to do and the changes you intend to make so that you are motivated and held accountable to your actions.  To get the absolute best results get yourself a life coach who is qualified, and who you can relate to and who you feel will relate to you...and do it now, its your life, make the positive changes before life gets in the way again.

Written by Naydeen Frecklington
Professional Life Coach


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